How Can I Avoid Picking Fights with My Siblings?

The sibling rivalry that parents dread starts at a very young age. When children notice a sibling doing something that they want to do, they’re often tempted to emulate that behavior. This is especially true if the sibling is older and the child isn’t strong enough to stand up to the bullying. Fighting with your siblings doesn’t have to be a family affair. Sometimes it’s helpful just to limit your interactions to things you can agree on. Set boundaries with your younger siblings, but don’t let that stop you from remembering to smile.

Family can be a wonderful thing—and at times, it can be the worst. But no matter what, we’re bound to have disagreements with siblings every now and then. And, when those disagreements turn into arguments, it can quickly become a vicious cycle that drags down the entire family. But what can you do to avoid these fights in the first place?

• Teach and show how to get along

When your children fight, it is hard knowing how to react. It can be difficult to resolve squabbles between your children as a parent. If, however, you can teach your children to resolve their conflicts, they can resolve their own conflicts in the future. Additionally, children are faced with many developmental struggles as they navigate their way through adolescence. These struggles can include bullying, school difficulties, peer pressure, low self-esteem, and weight problems. While many of these struggles are going to manifest themselves differently in each child, parents must know how to help their children when they encounter these problems. Children will model behavior based on what their parents demonstrate to them.

• Try cooling it down by fighting hot spots

When fights break out, it can be tempting to try resolving them by taking away the treat or privilege that provoked it. But try instead to cool down the situation by cooling down any emotions that might still be felt. Step away from the situation for a few moments. Listen carefully to what both people might be feeling. Then use the well-known kids’ game of “I Spy” to help separate the child who has the treat from the one who wants it.

When your dog is getting too excited, it’s common for them to start barking. If barking seems to be a regular thing or is causing you anxiety, it’s time to learn how to calm down by fighting hot spots.

• Have a routines

Routines make life easier. They allow you, your family, and your housemates (or roommates) to know what and when to expect it. Routines allow you to do life a little more easily. Has your family ever said things like “we should do that more often” or “what if we made time for that?” It can be easy to let those comments fall by the wayside, but your family routines can provide the foundation for all the wonderful memories you’ll make together. With routines in place, your family is on the same page and is less likely to spend your time wandering down different paths—a family routine can help everyone in the family focus on what’s most important.

Disagreements, fights, arguments, and conflicts are part of the family. A little argument here and there is normal. But when aren’t they? Conflicts arise most of the time due to misunderstandings, lack of communication, and unrealistic expectations. But avoiding fights is a great way to avoid unhealthy communication which leads to harmful competition often seen between siblings. Conflict is a normal part of life, but we sometimes have trouble resolving conflict as kids. In our home, I am the oldest of six children. While we are all close and love one another, there were times when we were at each other’s throats. One of the biggest issues was who was first at breakfast, lunch, or supper. Sometimes this got so intense that my father would intervene and tell us competing siblings to eat at different times. However, he fought less and resolved the conflict amicably as we grew older.